I Wore my Pretty Clothes so Grandma Could See me From Heaven

My grandmother always said I was pretty. Nevermind the fact that she was legally blind and could probably make out no more than my general shape and my voice but I sincerely appreciated the sentiment. Though I'll admit, I was frequently tempted to show up at her house wearing PJs just to see what kind of response she would give me

Today was an ordinary day in graduate school--class, class, rehearsal, emails, trying not to get stuck in the snow. Nothing particularly fancy was happening today but I had the impulse to dress up a bit. Perhaps it was inspired by the fact that I was cooped up for 3 days due to the snow but whatever the reason, those were the clothes I laid out last night. With my hair tied by loosely with a white ribbon, I felt more put together than I had in days. I was thinking of her and how much she liked my ridiculous hair.

A few hours later I found out that my grandmother had passed, just 5 days short of her 97th birthday. The timing was less than opportune (there's never a good time but theatre and life in particular don't get along). And my mind could hardly process it all. It's much harder to fathom death when you're 3000 miles away. Not 10 minutes before I'd found my mind wandering and hoping that she would make it to her birthday and to meet her 3rd great grandchild. It was an innocent but sincere wish. But I bet they throw great parties in heaven.

My grandma was spunky. She was sweet and giving and gave love as freely as anyone. She loved her walks, Charles Osgood, and us. I never knew another 96 year old who loved to be as active as she was and she was somewhat of a marvel in her neighborhood because until 2 years ago she took her walks alone! I often saw her as my counterpart--tiny but mighty, always a surprise. She always had these hilariously witty remarks that were occasionally intentional but usually she was just speaking her mind. And she never failed to make us laugh. 4 kids, 9 grandkids, 2 (almost 3) great grandkids. She was our matriarch and wanted to be the one to take care of us all. The number of times we found her trying to clean up during a party are too numerous to count. We used to laugh at it but it was just part of her nature. She was our favorite and we were hers.

Thank you Grandma Bil for giving us our lineage, our values, and our smiles. You touched not only our lives but everyone who met you. You were one of the most loved ladies on the Monterey Peninsula. And we will always love you. You always knew how to make me feel special and it warmed my heart when you called me Shannon Leigh and told me I was beautiful.

So Grandma, today I wore my pretty clothes so that you could see me from heaven. In heaven we are whole and you saw me clearly today for the first time in years.