I'm many months behind but as I told myself nearly two years ago, I want to remember what grad school when it is but a distant memory so here are updates.
Hedda Gabler, January 2014
Hedda was the first big show that I SMed at YSD. At the time it felt like it would never come as I saw my classmates successfully stage manage each of theirs but by December, my turn had arrived. To the unaware eye, Hedda seemed pretty simple. And it was. Unit set, any changes on the set done by actors, relatively few quick changes. But Hedda is complex in its characters and its power and that can affect the dynamic of any production. We had a really lovely cast, some making their YSD debuts, a brilliant director, and a wonderfully dedicated team of designers. I very much enjoyed working with them.
My biggest challenges came in the form of leadership. I was working with my first ASM since Danielle and I was a little apprehensive. I knew how much of my training had been shaped by my SMs my first year (and Hannah and Carolynn remain as my guide posts) and I wanted to give my ASM the same support and critique that I had received. I think we both had some learning to do--I needed to learn when to let go and when to speak her, she was still learning the YSD way of doing things. It's always a learning curve and although I doubted my ability as a leader and stage manager multiple times, I think we both came out better SMs at the end of it. She did a fantastic job on her shows following Hedda so at least I know I didn't do any lasting damage.
Leadership also extended to the rest of the team. We experienced some fight work challenges as coordinating with our fight directors is always a bit difficult because they are in demand both at school and in the rest of the theatrical world. I learned too late that despite my best efforts, the fight work wasn't where we wished it to be. I wanted to handle scheduling challenges myself, acting as if I was in a non-educational theatre, and I probably should have asked for help earlier. In the end, it turned out okay but I learned from that one.
During tech, my director and I both learned how to work with each other, how to ask for what we needed, and how to keep the tech moving forward. The show was deceptive because there weren't an abundance of cues but many moments needed subtle crafting from lighting and sound in addition to the movement onstage so we took the necessary time to do that. We did meet our initial run through goal which was wonderful and allowed us to go back and fix moments before we opened. As I mentioned before, our fight/blood work was a challenge and was probably our biggest challenge in tech. By the end we had crafted a great final moment but I do wish we could have found it earlier to give the director and actors more time to work with it.
Overall, Hedda was a good introductory YSD show for me and prepared me for what was coming next.
Thunderbodies, May 2014
As simple as Hedda seemed on paper, that's exactly how complex Thunderbodies seemed. Thunderbodies by Kate Tarker was one of three plays in the Carlotta Festival of New Plays, our end of year festival showcasing the thesis works of our 3rd year playwrights. I'll say right off the bat that we were blessed with the best, most dynamic team for this project and I don't know how we would have pulled it off without them. Thunderbodies was the kind of show where you had to be willing to go on an adventure with the director and playwright and hope you all ended up in the same place. We did, and it was the most wonderful adventure I've ever been on as the lead stage manager.
We went into this show knowing that it just needed more than the other shows due to the nature of the show. All 3 shows share a budget so our budget meetings were a challenge at times but I think we were all lucky that the collaborators on all three shows were willing to work with each other rather than against each other. I had the challenge of thinking through our biggest moments (primarily in terms of crew needs) and make sure that, as currently designed, we could execute everything. I look back at my breakdown now and laugh because of how much more this show actually required but it was a good start at least. This director has more creative ideas flowing it him every second than I do every year so he had thought of solutions to problems before I even brought them up and found ways to compromise in the design without compromising the show. This continued as we began the rehearsal process.
Rehearsals were fun, never dull, and challenging on so many levels. With only two crew members and multiple elements dropping from the sky or shifting on the set, I relied heavily on my ASM who was in charge of tracking those deck moves. I couldn't have done it without her as I was focused on the big picture of getting this show to tech and she was absolutely invaluable in tracking the minute but extremely important details. I knew that when we had a new idea/problem to solve, I could turn to her and she knew exactly if a crew member was free to execute that idea or if we needed to come up with a new solution.
One of the challenges of Carlotta is our limited tech time. We had about 15 hours total to get this whole thing teched and then to run the show before performing. We also tech/perform in repertory so we really are limited to the time we have scheduled in the space--when we aren't onstage, another show is. It took some commitment and time to figure out exactly how to structure our tech time so make sure we got through everything but it ultimately payed off. Every day we exceeded our tech goal and I was blown away by this. We had an abundance of precise light and sound cues, more deck moves than I can count, and a nonlinear story to communicate and I must say, we manage to do all of those rather successfully.
Calling this show was absolutely one of the most thrilling I've ever had. Certainly my most thrilling at YSD as both Romeo and Juliet and Hedda Gabler had primarily subtle cues. Not Thunderbodies--Thunderbodies wanted to throw every possible effect at the audience and then some. Calling a show is a stage manager's art and for the first time time coming to YSD, I felt like everyone got to see what I was capable of. It was an exhilarating feeling and not one I'm likely to forget.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Sunday, January 12, 2014
An Update Many Months in the Making
It's taken me quite awhile to find the words to capture what the first semester of my second year was like. Part of me felt disheartened that I didn't feel the need to write down every thought and feeling I was experiencing like I had last year. But that also shows that I have grown since my first days when everything felt so new and so different that I didn't know how to tackle it without capturing it in words.
The newness of graduate school has worn away as has much of the anxiety which allows for the utter joy of what I do to come through. My first assignment of the year began the week after classes began which was assistant stage managing a show called Owners at Yale Rep. Working at the Rep is a big deal in any department and in particular for the artistic teams. As ASMs, we are supporting a stage manager who will be using this production as their thesis--both a presentation of the skills that they have accumulated over 3 years and also a time capsule for years to come of a show where many will earn their Equity cards and have intense, unique memories. Our work is not just for us and the production but it's for them too.
Our show wasn't without its challenges. I fondly refer to it as an underestimated show in terms of its size because it was actually much more intricate and laborious than many of us realized at the beginning. Utilizing two turn tables which resulted in 10 different locations, 6 actors, 3-5 costume changes per actor, and more than a handful of props, Owners became the show I never predicted would be my biggest accomplishment to date.
Rehearsals were exhilarating because of their complexity. Replicating turn tables in a rehearsal room that must be restored at the end of each night was impractical so our fantastic technical direction team built us walls that we could move freely to represent each location. Set up took half an hour, breaks were spent quickly changing out furniture, walls, and props, and tear down each night took an hour because of how tightly packed our storage area was. It took true team work to have the rehearsal run smoothly because it was too time intensive for one person to move everything so my stage manager and I each took responsibility of one turn table. The cast was generous with assisting in resetting props if they knew their placement. The director was incredibly patient when a particular location took longer to set. And visitors quickly learned the transitions and were invaluable during run throughs when locations were changing every 10-15 minutes. I cannot say how helpful it was to feel the support of the whole team and to know that we were all collaborating to replicate what the true show would look like in the theatre as best we could in a rehearsal room. Rehearsals felt like tech because of the amount of action happening every minute but as tech is usually my favorite part of a process, I felt quite at home. I also managed to lose about 8 pounds because I literally got too excited or caught up in rehearsal to eat on a regular basis. There's always one casualty during a show.
Tech was big. And hard. And completely exercised every bit of our artistic and management brains. From the stage carpenter who was always looking out for the safety of the company when it came to rotating the turn tables to my stage manager who was keeping everyone on track and moving us forward while negotiating the logistics of making this world come to life. I was so pleased and proud on opening night knowing of the stressful moments we experienced but also the fun we had backstage and the bonding moments we experienced getting the show to its well deserved opening.
Owners taught me a lot. And I think the biggest lesson I learned is that I can still fall in love with a production without actually being in love with the show itself. By this I mean that I loved the company, the scene changes, the team, the energy put into it, and the incredible work that was done on the show but I never actually loved the play itself. Even on closing night, the script still didn't resonate with me. But that was the most valuable lesson to learn because you're never going to get your ideal job every time you are looking for one and you have to be disciplined enough to love your job to the point that it doesn't matter what the project is. The people and the experiences are really what matter in the end.
Owners took up most of my first semester so by the time I re-entered the world, it almost shocked me that there was only a month left. It's bizarre how much the world goes by when you're so wrapped up in a project that you forget anything else truly exists. I closed out the last month of the semester with dinners with friends, ushering the next show at Yale Rep, and jumping right into my next project. Hedda Gabler is now 2 weeks from tech and I can tell this one is going to be one of my favorites.
Grad school is already halfway done as hard as that is to believe. I don't know how I will feel when it's actually over but for now I'm grateful for the the classmates who are like siblings, for shows that push me, and for the people in my life who aren't physically with me but continue to know and love me anyway. As I prepare cover letters and resumes for summer jobs, I find myself nostalgic for my past and the jobs I've held previously. Tonight I came across some recommendation letters written by people whom I hold very close to my heart. And still every time I read them I am amazed how their letters capture how well they truly know me. It's a gift to have people like that in your life. They are the same people I turn to when I need advice, a reference for a job, or someone to remind me of where I came from. I am in the process of applying for dream jobs for the summer but I never forget how much the people and the jobs that came before mean to me and how they shaped where I am now.
The newness of graduate school has worn away as has much of the anxiety which allows for the utter joy of what I do to come through. My first assignment of the year began the week after classes began which was assistant stage managing a show called Owners at Yale Rep. Working at the Rep is a big deal in any department and in particular for the artistic teams. As ASMs, we are supporting a stage manager who will be using this production as their thesis--both a presentation of the skills that they have accumulated over 3 years and also a time capsule for years to come of a show where many will earn their Equity cards and have intense, unique memories. Our work is not just for us and the production but it's for them too.
Our show wasn't without its challenges. I fondly refer to it as an underestimated show in terms of its size because it was actually much more intricate and laborious than many of us realized at the beginning. Utilizing two turn tables which resulted in 10 different locations, 6 actors, 3-5 costume changes per actor, and more than a handful of props, Owners became the show I never predicted would be my biggest accomplishment to date.
Rehearsals were exhilarating because of their complexity. Replicating turn tables in a rehearsal room that must be restored at the end of each night was impractical so our fantastic technical direction team built us walls that we could move freely to represent each location. Set up took half an hour, breaks were spent quickly changing out furniture, walls, and props, and tear down each night took an hour because of how tightly packed our storage area was. It took true team work to have the rehearsal run smoothly because it was too time intensive for one person to move everything so my stage manager and I each took responsibility of one turn table. The cast was generous with assisting in resetting props if they knew their placement. The director was incredibly patient when a particular location took longer to set. And visitors quickly learned the transitions and were invaluable during run throughs when locations were changing every 10-15 minutes. I cannot say how helpful it was to feel the support of the whole team and to know that we were all collaborating to replicate what the true show would look like in the theatre as best we could in a rehearsal room. Rehearsals felt like tech because of the amount of action happening every minute but as tech is usually my favorite part of a process, I felt quite at home. I also managed to lose about 8 pounds because I literally got too excited or caught up in rehearsal to eat on a regular basis. There's always one casualty during a show.
Tech was big. And hard. And completely exercised every bit of our artistic and management brains. From the stage carpenter who was always looking out for the safety of the company when it came to rotating the turn tables to my stage manager who was keeping everyone on track and moving us forward while negotiating the logistics of making this world come to life. I was so pleased and proud on opening night knowing of the stressful moments we experienced but also the fun we had backstage and the bonding moments we experienced getting the show to its well deserved opening.
Owners taught me a lot. And I think the biggest lesson I learned is that I can still fall in love with a production without actually being in love with the show itself. By this I mean that I loved the company, the scene changes, the team, the energy put into it, and the incredible work that was done on the show but I never actually loved the play itself. Even on closing night, the script still didn't resonate with me. But that was the most valuable lesson to learn because you're never going to get your ideal job every time you are looking for one and you have to be disciplined enough to love your job to the point that it doesn't matter what the project is. The people and the experiences are really what matter in the end.
Owners took up most of my first semester so by the time I re-entered the world, it almost shocked me that there was only a month left. It's bizarre how much the world goes by when you're so wrapped up in a project that you forget anything else truly exists. I closed out the last month of the semester with dinners with friends, ushering the next show at Yale Rep, and jumping right into my next project. Hedda Gabler is now 2 weeks from tech and I can tell this one is going to be one of my favorites.
Grad school is already halfway done as hard as that is to believe. I don't know how I will feel when it's actually over but for now I'm grateful for the the classmates who are like siblings, for shows that push me, and for the people in my life who aren't physically with me but continue to know and love me anyway. As I prepare cover letters and resumes for summer jobs, I find myself nostalgic for my past and the jobs I've held previously. Tonight I came across some recommendation letters written by people whom I hold very close to my heart. And still every time I read them I am amazed how their letters capture how well they truly know me. It's a gift to have people like that in your life. They are the same people I turn to when I need advice, a reference for a job, or someone to remind me of where I came from. I am in the process of applying for dream jobs for the summer but I never forget how much the people and the jobs that came before mean to me and how they shaped where I am now.
Friday, September 13, 2013
To Be Healthy and to Do Grad School
At least once a week an article will come across my desktop with a title along the lines of "7 Ways to Live a Healthier Lifestyle" or "Enhance Your Wellbeing". They all are very well intentioned and are all vaguely similar. However I have discovered that being a grad student (or actually being in theatre in general) tends to counteract every one of the core ideas these articles boast. For example:
1. Stop eating late at night
Sure. We could do that. But that also sometimes means that your next meal won't be until 14 hours after your last one and you have been working hard as opposed to enjoying a relaxing evening at home.
2. Get at least 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night.
When your rehearsal ends at 11, you have post-rehearsal work until midnight, and you still have to do homework because you've been in class since 9:00 and you have class at 9:00 the next day, the math just doesn't add up to sleeping the number of hours you should.
3. Exercise frequently.
I love this. I know we would all love to do this all the time. But the answer for the previous question is also relevant to this one. Sometimes there literally aren't hours in the day.
4. Eat organic food.
Also one that we would all love to do all the time but sometimes our budgets just really don't allow for it. Sometimes it's not even a matter of priority; it's a matter of "how much can I spend this week and still pay rent".
5. Get plenty of fresh air
Sorry, that wasn't on my class or rehearsal schedule. Maybe next semester.
6. Let go of stress
I'm sure this is possible for some people but when you're put in a highly stressful environment like graduate school (or theatre in general which many people forget is just playing, not life and death), the pressure follows you around. You are often responsible for the success of many rather than just yourself.
7. Wake up early every day to get a jump start on the day and go to sleep early to be well rested
We wake up early because we have to and when we have the chance to sleep later than 7:00 am, believe me we're going to do it. It's a little bit like finals week in college where you don't sleep much for a week and spend the next two weeks sleeping in to recover. That's called Monday mornings in the theatre world (or Sundays, for those of us at YSD).
8. Read the news to keep yourself informed and educated
I have to have the news sent me to via email to force myself to know what's going on and even then I can only skim the headlines.
9. Never eat processed foods or eat out
That might mean we never eat
10. Take time to yourself
Do you mean the 10 minutes in bed before you conk out?
These are all ideas I have struggled with for years. Recently I have integrated most if not all of these habits into my schedule, though I may never consistently sleep more than 6 hours a night or have a stress free life. Given that I have had enough free time in the past month to fully establish their existence in my daily routine, I wonder how long I can keep them up since I will soon be giving my life back to rehearsal and performance life. And it seriously makes me wonder how we can expect ourselves or ask ourselves to be healthier, happier, more well rounded human beings when grad school/theatre so clearly contradict it.
The argument can always be made that life is about priorities and if one makes this a priority, it can happen. I am living proof that one can slowly integrate these elements into her life but the thought that lingers concerns my ability to commit to it once my life returns to my baseline normal. Will I still be willing to rise a full hour and a half before my first morning commitment to have a rejuvenating start to the day? Can I still commit the extra money each week to buying only organic foods when I won't have workstudy again until November? Will I still have the energy and/or time to dance for an hour every night? I can only hope. But my bigger hope is that my peers and colleagues find ways to integrate these into their lives as well. What good will it be if I'm feeling great but the people around me are feeling awful?
I don't have the answers to these questions. I wish I did but grad school and theatre are specific beasts that take a special kind of commitment and perseverance and a strong sense of self to get through. If you think that theatre practitioners are soft or weak in any way, that would be a mistake. They have to be strong enough to find that balance in their lives without compromising too much on either side.
Hopefully this year we can all find a way to strike a better balance in our lives. Because at the end of the three years here and at the end of our careers many years down the line, we all would like to say that we not only survived but that we thrived as well.
1. Stop eating late at night
Sure. We could do that. But that also sometimes means that your next meal won't be until 14 hours after your last one and you have been working hard as opposed to enjoying a relaxing evening at home.
2. Get at least 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night.
When your rehearsal ends at 11, you have post-rehearsal work until midnight, and you still have to do homework because you've been in class since 9:00 and you have class at 9:00 the next day, the math just doesn't add up to sleeping the number of hours you should.
3. Exercise frequently.
I love this. I know we would all love to do this all the time. But the answer for the previous question is also relevant to this one. Sometimes there literally aren't hours in the day.
4. Eat organic food.
Also one that we would all love to do all the time but sometimes our budgets just really don't allow for it. Sometimes it's not even a matter of priority; it's a matter of "how much can I spend this week and still pay rent".
5. Get plenty of fresh air
Sorry, that wasn't on my class or rehearsal schedule. Maybe next semester.
6. Let go of stress
I'm sure this is possible for some people but when you're put in a highly stressful environment like graduate school (or theatre in general which many people forget is just playing, not life and death), the pressure follows you around. You are often responsible for the success of many rather than just yourself.
7. Wake up early every day to get a jump start on the day and go to sleep early to be well rested
We wake up early because we have to and when we have the chance to sleep later than 7:00 am, believe me we're going to do it. It's a little bit like finals week in college where you don't sleep much for a week and spend the next two weeks sleeping in to recover. That's called Monday mornings in the theatre world (or Sundays, for those of us at YSD).
8. Read the news to keep yourself informed and educated
I have to have the news sent me to via email to force myself to know what's going on and even then I can only skim the headlines.
9. Never eat processed foods or eat out
That might mean we never eat
10. Take time to yourself
Do you mean the 10 minutes in bed before you conk out?
These are all ideas I have struggled with for years. Recently I have integrated most if not all of these habits into my schedule, though I may never consistently sleep more than 6 hours a night or have a stress free life. Given that I have had enough free time in the past month to fully establish their existence in my daily routine, I wonder how long I can keep them up since I will soon be giving my life back to rehearsal and performance life. And it seriously makes me wonder how we can expect ourselves or ask ourselves to be healthier, happier, more well rounded human beings when grad school/theatre so clearly contradict it.
The argument can always be made that life is about priorities and if one makes this a priority, it can happen. I am living proof that one can slowly integrate these elements into her life but the thought that lingers concerns my ability to commit to it once my life returns to my baseline normal. Will I still be willing to rise a full hour and a half before my first morning commitment to have a rejuvenating start to the day? Can I still commit the extra money each week to buying only organic foods when I won't have workstudy again until November? Will I still have the energy and/or time to dance for an hour every night? I can only hope. But my bigger hope is that my peers and colleagues find ways to integrate these into their lives as well. What good will it be if I'm feeling great but the people around me are feeling awful?
I don't have the answers to these questions. I wish I did but grad school and theatre are specific beasts that take a special kind of commitment and perseverance and a strong sense of self to get through. If you think that theatre practitioners are soft or weak in any way, that would be a mistake. They have to be strong enough to find that balance in their lives without compromising too much on either side.
Hopefully this year we can all find a way to strike a better balance in our lives. Because at the end of the three years here and at the end of our careers many years down the line, we all would like to say that we not only survived but that we thrived as well.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Cause this fine old world, it keeps spinnin' around
This blog title is taken from a line of the Frank Sinatra standard "That's Life", a rather fitting song for what most people experience in graduate school. Listening to this song tonight made me think harder about what the lyrics are saying and the message it conveys.
"I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing
Each time I find myself flat on my face
I pick myself up and get back in the race"
Now if that isn't fitting for graduate school, I don't know what is.
Year 2 has officially begun with merriment, meetings, and melee. Although for me it technically began about 2 weeks ago with the beginning of budgeting meets for my first show of the year, ASM for Rep 2: Owners, the school year kicked off this week with 2nd/3rd year orientation, class photos, and of course the Bundy speech.
James Bundy is truly a remarkable dean for the School of Drama. Not only does he know the name and backstory of every student in the school before they show up for the first day of orientation, he is intensely committed to making this place artistically and academically challenging, bright with life, and a safe space for students to learn and practice their craft. There are 9 departments in our school each with its own unique artistic qualities and challenges. We range from acting and design all the way to stage management and theatre management. And we are all artists and needing this home to take risks and challenge ourselves, our peers, and our faculty.
Dean Bundy is an excellent orator. His speeches, whatever their nature, are consistently engaging and the most prominent speech is the one he makes at the beginning of the year to the entire school. First I must mention that it is quite a sight to see the entire School of Drama--students, faculty, and staff--in one room together. It makes you realize how lucky you are to be there. And, once you've been there for awhile, it reminds you how much you love and respect every person in that room. Every person holds true meaning to the school and Dean Bundy is quick to acknowledge this. Prior to his speech, he names every single staff and faculty member and asks them to stand so that we are acquainted with them as well. They become our support team when things go awry and I appreciate that he takes the time to acknowledge everyone from the custodial staff all the way up to Maria in the Registrar who I personally appreciate beyond words. This introductory session takes quite awhile but it's worth it.
Following the introduction, he speaks about the upcoming year. First giving some anecdotes or metaphors (this year he kicked off his speech by referencing a recent Buzzfeed article about everyday items you are using incorrectly) and then the speech morphed into something slightly more profound and I swear you could have heard a pin drop in that theatre. He spoke of the gift of working in an environment such as ours where you are free to dream and explore and expose yourself without intense ramifications. He talked about how we all should allow ourselves to take risks because that furthers our art form. And he told us that we should allow ourselves to be vulnerable. To let ourselves be seen. We work and live in a world full of judgement and fear and the desire for stability but for a moment, for a day, for the rest of our graduate school experience, for as long as we can we should allow ourselves to be vulnerable and respect others for doing it as well. Asking ourselves to be who we truly are or to take an unexplored risk is frightening but it's character building and it will help us become who we are meant to be.
His speech particularly resonated with me as I concluded last year with the goal that I would allow myself to be seen rather than fading into the background as is my tendency. You're never going to be noticed if you don't give yourself permission to expose your feelings, ideas, and personality to the world. And we all deserved to be noticed.
So here's to a new year of risks, vulnerability, love, camaraderie, late nights, and letting ourselves be seen. You only have 3 years here--make it count.
"I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing
Each time I find myself flat on my face
I pick myself up and get back in the race"
Now if that isn't fitting for graduate school, I don't know what is.
Year 2 has officially begun with merriment, meetings, and melee. Although for me it technically began about 2 weeks ago with the beginning of budgeting meets for my first show of the year, ASM for Rep 2: Owners, the school year kicked off this week with 2nd/3rd year orientation, class photos, and of course the Bundy speech.
James Bundy is truly a remarkable dean for the School of Drama. Not only does he know the name and backstory of every student in the school before they show up for the first day of orientation, he is intensely committed to making this place artistically and academically challenging, bright with life, and a safe space for students to learn and practice their craft. There are 9 departments in our school each with its own unique artistic qualities and challenges. We range from acting and design all the way to stage management and theatre management. And we are all artists and needing this home to take risks and challenge ourselves, our peers, and our faculty.
Dean Bundy is an excellent orator. His speeches, whatever their nature, are consistently engaging and the most prominent speech is the one he makes at the beginning of the year to the entire school. First I must mention that it is quite a sight to see the entire School of Drama--students, faculty, and staff--in one room together. It makes you realize how lucky you are to be there. And, once you've been there for awhile, it reminds you how much you love and respect every person in that room. Every person holds true meaning to the school and Dean Bundy is quick to acknowledge this. Prior to his speech, he names every single staff and faculty member and asks them to stand so that we are acquainted with them as well. They become our support team when things go awry and I appreciate that he takes the time to acknowledge everyone from the custodial staff all the way up to Maria in the Registrar who I personally appreciate beyond words. This introductory session takes quite awhile but it's worth it.
Following the introduction, he speaks about the upcoming year. First giving some anecdotes or metaphors (this year he kicked off his speech by referencing a recent Buzzfeed article about everyday items you are using incorrectly) and then the speech morphed into something slightly more profound and I swear you could have heard a pin drop in that theatre. He spoke of the gift of working in an environment such as ours where you are free to dream and explore and expose yourself without intense ramifications. He talked about how we all should allow ourselves to take risks because that furthers our art form. And he told us that we should allow ourselves to be vulnerable. To let ourselves be seen. We work and live in a world full of judgement and fear and the desire for stability but for a moment, for a day, for the rest of our graduate school experience, for as long as we can we should allow ourselves to be vulnerable and respect others for doing it as well. Asking ourselves to be who we truly are or to take an unexplored risk is frightening but it's character building and it will help us become who we are meant to be.
His speech particularly resonated with me as I concluded last year with the goal that I would allow myself to be seen rather than fading into the background as is my tendency. You're never going to be noticed if you don't give yourself permission to expose your feelings, ideas, and personality to the world. And we all deserved to be noticed.
So here's to a new year of risks, vulnerability, love, camaraderie, late nights, and letting ourselves be seen. You only have 3 years here--make it count.
Friday, May 3, 2013
The Journey is Only the Beginning
Clearly keeping up with these blog posts fell away as Romeo and Juliet took over so here is a recap of the past 3 months:
ROMEO AND JULIET
Romeo and Juliet was the hardest show experience I'd had but one of the most rewarding. I hadn't realized how taxing it was to stage manage a show without having an ASM present in the room full time, how even a (comparatively) short rehearsal day could put me over the edge, and the extent to which it would test how much I loved my job. There were days when I felt as if I couldn't handle the stress and had the petrifying thought that I was investing so much time and energy into a career that wasn't going to make me happy. I enjoyed the people I was working with and I enjoyed the show in general but I had to dig deeper. I had the find ways to make it work when I wasn't loving it as much and to bring up strength in myself when I didn't have anyone else to lean on.
Tech hit at the exact right moment for the production. The cast was ready to experience a new atmosphere and I was desperate to reach a place where I felt more comfortable. Tech has always been the place where I could truly show what I could do. So I prepared as best I could with run sheets, nervous to turn them over to my supervisor who was familiar with the show but hadn't been present for most of the rehearsals. I prepared my book. I had conversations with the designers. We had a game plan, knowing we had limited time to complete this massive feat of teching this show, and we dove in head first.
The first day we hit our mark and were all pretty thrilled. However the second day we ran into the typical SRP problem--balancing between moving quickly and stopping to perfect the looks. With a show full of transitions, it was a very difficult balance. I began to question whether I had made the right decision to push us through the show instead of letting the director and designers work out the stage pictures together. The following day was the most rough as we hit a point where we didn't quite know what the show looked like but also didn't have much time to go back and change anything. In the end it turned out that I was correct in pushing us forward because by the time we hit final dress, we still hadn't fully completed teching the show. I was still ridden with guilt that the show had major design holes that, given more time or perhaps a better managed schedule, the designer and the director could have worked out but we were very limited in the time we were given.
Performances were odd as I never called the same show twice. Lighting cues were changed every day and I never felt completely secure in my call of it. Every day was an adventure and although I thrive on the "throw me in and hope I float" method, I was concerned for the actors who counted on consistency out there. Regardless, we got through the performances with no major catastrophes and 1 week after we began tech, the show was struck and we were done.
Was R+J easy? No. But was it worth it? Completely and entirely. Suddenly everything else in stage management felt so much easier. Every time I thought of upcoming tasks for my next show, they were much less daunting than they had been previously. It was my own little test of strength and will power, a marker for how much I could handle. I strengthened friendships, gained others, and found appreciation for the tiniest things. I can proudly say that I survived my SRP and it made me a better stage manager, no doubt.
Since that time, much has happened. I have a new baby cousin, Skylar Evan Jones, and I am completely in love with him. I am also employed for the summer--working my (current) dream job as a production assistant at the Goodspeed Opera House on Hello Dolly. I will be in residence, living on their "campus" for the summer, and given a 2 week break in the middle. I couldn't imagine a more ideal situation. I know very little other than that which, for once, is awesome. I'll come in ready and eager to take on any challenge.
I also went home during spring break for my grandmother's memorial. It was a much needed and appreciated trip home. After the challenge of R+J, I needed to get home to remind myself of everything I was and used to be. In a way, I used it to help redefine myself. Being around my family grounds me in the best way possible--it's nice to be around people who think you are just doing the most wonderful things which is easy to forget when you're living it every day. It's important to take time to remember where I am, why I'm doing what I'm doing, and to enjoy as I go along. I saw my best friend which was extremely necessary, my mentor, and Sean, who continues to be an important staple in my life. Seeing them just reminded me of where I came from and how I want to make them proud. But most importantly I came home to say goodbye to my grandma. It was a completely wonderful celebration at home--just remembering her life, how much we loved her and how much she loved us.
HOUSE BEAST
Upon returning to New Haven, I dove right into working on the Carlotta Festival of New Plays. House Beast is the name of our show. This is a show that has truly proven how much stronger I am as a SM than I was at the beginning of the year and also how much more I have to grow. There are many props that get thrown around, tossed, dumped, and generally scattered everywhere. I learned very early on that I needed to pay attention vigilantly so that I could reset them whenever we needed to go back and work on a section of a scene. It's a daily challenge but I can see how much better I am than I was at the beginning of the year. I have more of a voice in the room and in the process than I had before, my confidence is higher, and I truly let myself enjoy this process. It was definitely challenging (I nicknamed us "Homecoming Queen of the Carlotta Festival" facetiously because our production meetings were always the longest and difficult of the festival) but I never really fell away from the love of my job. Maybe it was the people I was working with, maybe it was finally feeling like I knew what I was doing, but I have embraced every challenge head on with a better attitude than I've had all year. Many script changes, many prop breakages, many crazy requests, but it hasn't overwhelmed me like I had expected. We are currently in tech for this show and although the school year is wearing on me, I still am excited to see what this show will look like when it's all pulled together!
ROMEO AND JULIET
Romeo and Juliet was the hardest show experience I'd had but one of the most rewarding. I hadn't realized how taxing it was to stage manage a show without having an ASM present in the room full time, how even a (comparatively) short rehearsal day could put me over the edge, and the extent to which it would test how much I loved my job. There were days when I felt as if I couldn't handle the stress and had the petrifying thought that I was investing so much time and energy into a career that wasn't going to make me happy. I enjoyed the people I was working with and I enjoyed the show in general but I had to dig deeper. I had the find ways to make it work when I wasn't loving it as much and to bring up strength in myself when I didn't have anyone else to lean on.
Tech hit at the exact right moment for the production. The cast was ready to experience a new atmosphere and I was desperate to reach a place where I felt more comfortable. Tech has always been the place where I could truly show what I could do. So I prepared as best I could with run sheets, nervous to turn them over to my supervisor who was familiar with the show but hadn't been present for most of the rehearsals. I prepared my book. I had conversations with the designers. We had a game plan, knowing we had limited time to complete this massive feat of teching this show, and we dove in head first.
The first day we hit our mark and were all pretty thrilled. However the second day we ran into the typical SRP problem--balancing between moving quickly and stopping to perfect the looks. With a show full of transitions, it was a very difficult balance. I began to question whether I had made the right decision to push us through the show instead of letting the director and designers work out the stage pictures together. The following day was the most rough as we hit a point where we didn't quite know what the show looked like but also didn't have much time to go back and change anything. In the end it turned out that I was correct in pushing us forward because by the time we hit final dress, we still hadn't fully completed teching the show. I was still ridden with guilt that the show had major design holes that, given more time or perhaps a better managed schedule, the designer and the director could have worked out but we were very limited in the time we were given.
Performances were odd as I never called the same show twice. Lighting cues were changed every day and I never felt completely secure in my call of it. Every day was an adventure and although I thrive on the "throw me in and hope I float" method, I was concerned for the actors who counted on consistency out there. Regardless, we got through the performances with no major catastrophes and 1 week after we began tech, the show was struck and we were done.
Was R+J easy? No. But was it worth it? Completely and entirely. Suddenly everything else in stage management felt so much easier. Every time I thought of upcoming tasks for my next show, they were much less daunting than they had been previously. It was my own little test of strength and will power, a marker for how much I could handle. I strengthened friendships, gained others, and found appreciation for the tiniest things. I can proudly say that I survived my SRP and it made me a better stage manager, no doubt.
Since that time, much has happened. I have a new baby cousin, Skylar Evan Jones, and I am completely in love with him. I am also employed for the summer--working my (current) dream job as a production assistant at the Goodspeed Opera House on Hello Dolly. I will be in residence, living on their "campus" for the summer, and given a 2 week break in the middle. I couldn't imagine a more ideal situation. I know very little other than that which, for once, is awesome. I'll come in ready and eager to take on any challenge.
I also went home during spring break for my grandmother's memorial. It was a much needed and appreciated trip home. After the challenge of R+J, I needed to get home to remind myself of everything I was and used to be. In a way, I used it to help redefine myself. Being around my family grounds me in the best way possible--it's nice to be around people who think you are just doing the most wonderful things which is easy to forget when you're living it every day. It's important to take time to remember where I am, why I'm doing what I'm doing, and to enjoy as I go along. I saw my best friend which was extremely necessary, my mentor, and Sean, who continues to be an important staple in my life. Seeing them just reminded me of where I came from and how I want to make them proud. But most importantly I came home to say goodbye to my grandma. It was a completely wonderful celebration at home--just remembering her life, how much we loved her and how much she loved us.
HOUSE BEAST
Upon returning to New Haven, I dove right into working on the Carlotta Festival of New Plays. House Beast is the name of our show. This is a show that has truly proven how much stronger I am as a SM than I was at the beginning of the year and also how much more I have to grow. There are many props that get thrown around, tossed, dumped, and generally scattered everywhere. I learned very early on that I needed to pay attention vigilantly so that I could reset them whenever we needed to go back and work on a section of a scene. It's a daily challenge but I can see how much better I am than I was at the beginning of the year. I have more of a voice in the room and in the process than I had before, my confidence is higher, and I truly let myself enjoy this process. It was definitely challenging (I nicknamed us "Homecoming Queen of the Carlotta Festival" facetiously because our production meetings were always the longest and difficult of the festival) but I never really fell away from the love of my job. Maybe it was the people I was working with, maybe it was finally feeling like I knew what I was doing, but I have embraced every challenge head on with a better attitude than I've had all year. Many script changes, many prop breakages, many crazy requests, but it hasn't overwhelmed me like I had expected. We are currently in tech for this show and although the school year is wearing on me, I still am excited to see what this show will look like when it's all pulled together!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
I Wore my Pretty Clothes so Grandma Could See me From Heaven
My grandmother always said I was pretty. Nevermind the fact that she was legally blind and could probably make out no more than my general shape and my voice but I sincerely appreciated the sentiment. Though I'll admit, I was frequently tempted to show up at her house wearing PJs just to see what kind of response she would give me
Today was an ordinary day in graduate school--class, class, rehearsal, emails, trying not to get stuck in the snow. Nothing particularly fancy was happening today but I had the impulse to dress up a bit. Perhaps it was inspired by the fact that I was cooped up for 3 days due to the snow but whatever the reason, those were the clothes I laid out last night. With my hair tied by loosely with a white ribbon, I felt more put together than I had in days. I was thinking of her and how much she liked my ridiculous hair.
A few hours later I found out that my grandmother had passed, just 5 days short of her 97th birthday. The timing was less than opportune (there's never a good time but theatre and life in particular don't get along). And my mind could hardly process it all. It's much harder to fathom death when you're 3000 miles away. Not 10 minutes before I'd found my mind wandering and hoping that she would make it to her birthday and to meet her 3rd great grandchild. It was an innocent but sincere wish. But I bet they throw great parties in heaven.
My grandma was spunky. She was sweet and giving and gave love as freely as anyone. She loved her walks, Charles Osgood, and us. I never knew another 96 year old who loved to be as active as she was and she was somewhat of a marvel in her neighborhood because until 2 years ago she took her walks alone! I often saw her as my counterpart--tiny but mighty, always a surprise. She always had these hilariously witty remarks that were occasionally intentional but usually she was just speaking her mind. And she never failed to make us laugh. 4 kids, 9 grandkids, 2 (almost 3) great grandkids. She was our matriarch and wanted to be the one to take care of us all. The number of times we found her trying to clean up during a party are too numerous to count. We used to laugh at it but it was just part of her nature. She was our favorite and we were hers.
Thank you Grandma Bil for giving us our lineage, our values, and our smiles. You touched not only our lives but everyone who met you. You were one of the most loved ladies on the Monterey Peninsula. And we will always love you. You always knew how to make me feel special and it warmed my heart when you called me Shannon Leigh and told me I was beautiful.
So Grandma, today I wore my pretty clothes so that you could see me from heaven. In heaven we are whole and you saw me clearly today for the first time in years.
Today was an ordinary day in graduate school--class, class, rehearsal, emails, trying not to get stuck in the snow. Nothing particularly fancy was happening today but I had the impulse to dress up a bit. Perhaps it was inspired by the fact that I was cooped up for 3 days due to the snow but whatever the reason, those were the clothes I laid out last night. With my hair tied by loosely with a white ribbon, I felt more put together than I had in days. I was thinking of her and how much she liked my ridiculous hair.
A few hours later I found out that my grandmother had passed, just 5 days short of her 97th birthday. The timing was less than opportune (there's never a good time but theatre and life in particular don't get along). And my mind could hardly process it all. It's much harder to fathom death when you're 3000 miles away. Not 10 minutes before I'd found my mind wandering and hoping that she would make it to her birthday and to meet her 3rd great grandchild. It was an innocent but sincere wish. But I bet they throw great parties in heaven.
My grandma was spunky. She was sweet and giving and gave love as freely as anyone. She loved her walks, Charles Osgood, and us. I never knew another 96 year old who loved to be as active as she was and she was somewhat of a marvel in her neighborhood because until 2 years ago she took her walks alone! I often saw her as my counterpart--tiny but mighty, always a surprise. She always had these hilariously witty remarks that were occasionally intentional but usually she was just speaking her mind. And she never failed to make us laugh. 4 kids, 9 grandkids, 2 (almost 3) great grandkids. She was our matriarch and wanted to be the one to take care of us all. The number of times we found her trying to clean up during a party are too numerous to count. We used to laugh at it but it was just part of her nature. She was our favorite and we were hers.
Thank you Grandma Bil for giving us our lineage, our values, and our smiles. You touched not only our lives but everyone who met you. You were one of the most loved ladies on the Monterey Peninsula. And we will always love you. You always knew how to make me feel special and it warmed my heart when you called me Shannon Leigh and told me I was beautiful.
So Grandma, today I wore my pretty clothes so that you could see me from heaven. In heaven we are whole and you saw me clearly today for the first time in years.
Monday, February 4, 2013
YSD, Round 1.5!
Second semester=new classes, new schedule, new production!
Romeo and Juliet is the first show that I'm "on my own", though I have a supervisor to guide me through challenging moments and the support of many friends for the inevitable questions. But this is the first time I've been the SM in charge since May. Unless you count the children's show this summer and that was more survival than stage management.
This show has been both a complete joy and a challenge so far--and we're only on day 4 of rehearsals! Being that this is a smaller production, budgeting a set that supports the vision while still landing within the realm of possibility has been a challenge for the whole team. Thankfully everyone has been working as hard as they can to make this production a reality, and we are so ready to be done with the budgeting process.
But on the other hand rehearsals have been great. The company for this show is just delightful and I look forward to seeing how this production evolves over the next 4 weeks. I know the time will just fly by so I want to enjoy every minute of it. I feel comfortable and confident in my role--I've learned from past mistakes and struggles and feel like I have a grasp on it (one would hope at least!). And I'm just enjoying being part of this process and it's already been rewarding to see how ideas have evolved from the first day of design until now.
I also continue to develop my hobbies as theatre has officially made the transition from my hobby to my career. I love to sing, I love to dance, and I love to make friendship bracelets (yes, I'm regressing to my camp counselor days. I find it very therapeutic). And if I had a piano near me I'd be playing that too. I'm amazed my neighbors haven't banged on my door asking me to shut up yet but until they do, my apartment is my personal dance studio/practice room.
So for now--onward and upward!
Romeo and Juliet is the first show that I'm "on my own", though I have a supervisor to guide me through challenging moments and the support of many friends for the inevitable questions. But this is the first time I've been the SM in charge since May. Unless you count the children's show this summer and that was more survival than stage management.
This show has been both a complete joy and a challenge so far--and we're only on day 4 of rehearsals! Being that this is a smaller production, budgeting a set that supports the vision while still landing within the realm of possibility has been a challenge for the whole team. Thankfully everyone has been working as hard as they can to make this production a reality, and we are so ready to be done with the budgeting process.
But on the other hand rehearsals have been great. The company for this show is just delightful and I look forward to seeing how this production evolves over the next 4 weeks. I know the time will just fly by so I want to enjoy every minute of it. I feel comfortable and confident in my role--I've learned from past mistakes and struggles and feel like I have a grasp on it (one would hope at least!). And I'm just enjoying being part of this process and it's already been rewarding to see how ideas have evolved from the first day of design until now.
I also continue to develop my hobbies as theatre has officially made the transition from my hobby to my career. I love to sing, I love to dance, and I love to make friendship bracelets (yes, I'm regressing to my camp counselor days. I find it very therapeutic). And if I had a piano near me I'd be playing that too. I'm amazed my neighbors haven't banged on my door asking me to shut up yet but until they do, my apartment is my personal dance studio/practice room.
So for now--onward and upward!
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