Very Lucky

Today was the best day I've had yet here in New Haven. My boxes from home finally arrived so after the strenuous task of hauling them upstairs (that was attractive. I'm awfully glad I live alone because it was not a pretty sight once I'd finished! 50 pound boxes, second floor, humid...oh if only there were pictures of it), I was able to begin sorting through it. It was really great to see what personal items I had packed since I had practically forgotten already! I ceased unpacking for awhile to go down to the stage management office and say hello to the head of stage management. It was so nice to be back--it was just like I had remembered from my interview. Everyone was friendly and down to earth and it was a lovely reminder of why I chose this school. From the moment I walked down the street in New Haven the first time, I knew this was where I was meant to be. And I'm entirely grateful and happy to be here. Now that my apartment is completely organized and memories literally lining every wall, I am feeling so overwhelmingly blessed. I have never received so much support from friends and family and I thank every one of you from the bottom of my heart. Every comment, like, text, email, message, and phone call makes my heart sing because this is the biggest decision I've ever made and you never know how it will turn out. However I no longer feel "away" from home. This has become my new home and it is really starting to feel like mine (it helps that I can't look anywhere without seeing a picture of someone from home or a gift from someone on display). It began to rain today on my way home and as soon as I got in the door, I headed for the window (my favorite place to sit), pulled out the ipad, and just sat on the windowsill listening to the rain fall with the window open while I watched How I Met Your Mother (I just love that show) and for the first time I felt completely comfortable and relaxed in my space. The rest of the week brings an SM gathering (I've invited the other SMs in my class over to my apartment as I would really love to meet them) and then orientation on Thursday. I absolutely cannot wait. One song really comes to mind right now and my favorite passage is hanging in my kitchen. "I see skies of blue and clouds of white. The bright blessed days and the dark sacred nights. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world"

On My Own

"On my own, pretending he's beside me"...well not quite. Not reenacting Eponine's lovely song from Les Miserables but I am all on my own in Connecticut. It's a very weird feeling to know that I'm 3,000 miles from home. My apartment is officially furnished and absolutely gorgeous--once my personal items arrive and it's completely done I will post photos but it looks great already. Though it is very hot, as expected. Outside it's actually a very lovely temperature but my room rapidly absorbs heat so it never really cools down to an acceptable temperature. I have two fans that I try not to use too much to save on electricity but sometimes it's necessary! The big accomplishment of today was finding the nearest grocery store. I lucked out in that the grocery store closest to me is only a 5-8 minute walk and is essentially the east coast version of a Safeway. I was so concerned that I wouldn't be able to get the basic essentials very easily and now I know that it is much easier than expected--and I even have a little rolling shopping cart to transport my groceries home. But being on my own without a car and without knowing anybody yet is a disconcerting feeling. I'm looking forward to feeling more comfortable with my surroundings and finally meeting people because it can get awfully lonely and scary when you feel like you're all alone. And it finally hit me today that there really is no turning back. That decision I made 4 years ago to pursue theatre as my career and my determination to go to graduate school (not just any graduate school--it had to feel right to me) is one that I am finally able to live out. But I'm trying not to get ahead of myself yet because I will forget to enjoy these first moments of living in Connecticut if I get caught up in the "what will I do when..." moments. Because even though future rent payments, student loan payments, getting substantial jobs, and eventual moving are important, they are not what's important right now. The time will come when it's time to concern myself with those issues. But I have prepared myself both academically, mentally, and financially for this exact moment. This is what it has all come to. Living on my own, figuring it out for myself, making the best decisions, even though that there doesn't always have to be a Plan B at all times. It's okay to just let things happen--as hard as that is for me to accept!

What an Adventure

After what seems like the longest day in history, I am finally in Connecticut. We are staying in a hotel tonight--apartment keys tomorrow! Unfortunately my day began at 2:30 am (which as most of you know is my regular bedtime) so I got approximately one hour of sleep before the alarm was buzzing. Driving up to SFO was uneventful...it's just very dark at that time of morning...but that was all fine and good. The plane ride itself was fine, minus my exhaustion and hunger levels. It felt very long but I guess anything over 3 hours feels long to me and this one was closer to 6. However the real adventure began once we had to drive from JFK to New Haven. Our GPS was...how do I put this nicely...it was special. And apparently wanted to give us a tour of the city because it ended up taking us on a nice, long, crowded, stressful, unnecessary tour of NYC and we ended up right where we started. It makes for an excellent story but at the time, it was not all that humorous. But we finally arrived at the hotel. Had dinner. And now it is 11:00 pm EST meaning 8:00 pm at home. It feels very weird being so far away from everyone and everything that is my home and my life. Part of me wants to run back to Concord and embrace that life again but sadly, even if I were to go back, that life no longer exists. And besides, no one ever got anywhere by staying in one place. And once I overcome the fear of living so far away (without a car. That might be my biggest issue), this will feel like home as well.

Episode 2: Packing

I completely admire every person who has ever had to move to another state because it is a daunting, time consuming, and exhausting process. Deciding what is worthy or important enough to travel with you is a whole task in itself. For example, something like my clock radio ipod dock was brought for convenience sake. The porcelain doll, carefully encased in bubble wrap and placed between a pile of blankets, was brought purely for sentimentality. As it was a parting gift from my unfortunately dismantled theatre company, I couldn't bear to leave it behind. But decisions were made. Compromise is necessary in life. I also have more photos than I can count. Gone are the days of taping every photo I could find to my walls. In the grown up world you need to frame pictures. Which takes up much more space. And requires decision making. Who do you really want to look at every day? Answer: everybody. So that process took quite awhile. It felt a little bit like the old days of Myspace where your top friends list determined everything about your social life and you spent time meticulously sculpting the list so that it reflected how you truly felt. No hard feelings to anyone whose photo is not in a frame--I have a lovely scrapbook with the rest, courtesy of Danielle. But the boxes are taped and the suitcases are ready to be stuffed and I am slowly beginning to freak out about changing my entire life to move across the country. However I find it impossible to be sad when you receive a landslide of text messages telling you that you will do great (I seriously had the best co-workers in the world. I'm pretty sure if you cut me open, half of my heart would be stamped with the Willows logo). Life is in transition. But it's a good thing.

The Road to Yale. Also known as...how on earth do you move across the country?

In a little over one week I will be headed off to the east coast and moving away from everything that makes sense to me. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "leaving on a jet plane". But I am nothing if not determined so here I am, stepping out of my comfort zone and preparing to move 3,000 miles away from my hometown and those places that are like home to me. I don't think it will be easy. And how do I know this? Well let's think. Number 1: I won't have a car. I love my car. I cannot live without my car. That is how I make sure everything works in my life. So we're going to find out how I fare with just public transportation. Number 2: I don't have any family or friends (yet) who live anywhere near me. Sure I know people in surrounding states but the grand total of people I know in New Haven is set at a definite zero. My support system lives in California. Good thing technology was invented. Number 3: What's weather? No really. California does not know what weather is. Connecticut does. I'm in for some major culture shock. My hair+humidity...let's just say photos will not be taken of me. And those are just a few.. So it won't be easy. But since when is anything worthwhile easy? The point is I am beyond excited to be going to Yale and since that means making some major changes to my life, I will be embracing those as well. I invite you to sit back and enjoy the ride because this is surely going to be an adventure.