On My Own

"On my own, pretending he's beside me"...well not quite. Not reenacting Eponine's lovely song from Les Miserables but I am all on my own in Connecticut. It's a very weird feeling to know that I'm 3,000 miles from home. My apartment is officially furnished and absolutely gorgeous--once my personal items arrive and it's completely done I will post photos but it looks great already. Though it is very hot, as expected. Outside it's actually a very lovely temperature but my room rapidly absorbs heat so it never really cools down to an acceptable temperature. I have two fans that I try not to use too much to save on electricity but sometimes it's necessary! The big accomplishment of today was finding the nearest grocery store. I lucked out in that the grocery store closest to me is only a 5-8 minute walk and is essentially the east coast version of a Safeway. I was so concerned that I wouldn't be able to get the basic essentials very easily and now I know that it is much easier than expected--and I even have a little rolling shopping cart to transport my groceries home. But being on my own without a car and without knowing anybody yet is a disconcerting feeling. I'm looking forward to feeling more comfortable with my surroundings and finally meeting people because it can get awfully lonely and scary when you feel like you're all alone. And it finally hit me today that there really is no turning back. That decision I made 4 years ago to pursue theatre as my career and my determination to go to graduate school (not just any graduate school--it had to feel right to me) is one that I am finally able to live out. But I'm trying not to get ahead of myself yet because I will forget to enjoy these first moments of living in Connecticut if I get caught up in the "what will I do when..." moments. Because even though future rent payments, student loan payments, getting substantial jobs, and eventual moving are important, they are not what's important right now. The time will come when it's time to concern myself with those issues. But I have prepared myself both academically, mentally, and financially for this exact moment. This is what it has all come to. Living on my own, figuring it out for myself, making the best decisions, even though that there doesn't always have to be a Plan B at all times. It's okay to just let things happen--as hard as that is for me to accept!