I spent the past 8 hours working on my run sheets for Sunday in the Park and I am pleased to say that they are now in much better shape than they were before! First pass of this edition, 23 pages long. I'm guessing they will get to be about 25/26 depending on how much changes. I'm a nerd about paperwork and was never truly satisfied with the way my run sheets have looked in the past so I love how comprehensive mine are now. Still have a long ways to go as everything will change once we get to tech but at least they're off to a good start!
Thanksgiving was wonderful. I had convinced myself that I was going to ignore this holiday in hopes of masking any ounce of sadness I was feeling but it turned out to be an incredible day. I would like to sincerely thank Helen and James for hosting an amazing day. Spent time with friends, met some new ones, and played with a puppy. Skyped with my family which included a skype session during our annual Battle of the Sexes board game and it felt like I was at home again :)
Christmas is in full swing in my apartment. Which basically means I watch and listen to anything and everything relating to Christmas. The second I got home last night I blasted "Why Couldn't It Be Christmas Everyday" and have already watched Eloise at Christmastime, The Ultimate Christmas Present, and Love Actually.
I love Christmas.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
Center Stage
One of the most memorable scenes in the movie Center Stage is the first day of residence at the American Ballet Theatre and the directors are addressing the new students. They ask who was the best at their previous dance studio and most raise their hands. They then talk extensively about how that was about to change and the cocky looks on the students faces begin to fade away.
Grad school is a very similar experience. You were either very good or you were the best at your previous post, whether undergrad or a professional job. You wouldn't have applied to graduate school if you didn't think you had any skills and you definitely wouldn't have gotten accepted if you didn't have tremendous skill and potential.
It's easy to forget that the potential is what we should focus on. We aren't here because we are already the best, we are here to become better. And sometimes that makes for really frustrating scenarios. You often feel like you are failing because of the impossible standards you have set for yourself and forget to see the bigger picture. You're in grad school to learn, to get better. If you were doing this work outside of graduate school at a small company, it would probably seem brilliant. But that's not the point of graduate school. The point is to identify your weaknesses, build on your strengths, learn from others, and keep working towards a goal. Letting go of that impossible standard and allowing yourself to accept your growth as being important as being the best at something is the key. And that's a hard thing to do. I am constantly struggling with it.
There are some key quotes that I focus on when I forget why I got into graduate school in the first place and question every bit of my ability. Which sometimes is a daily occurrence.
"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game"
"Don't get upset over oversights, get upset over laziness"
"God grant me the strength to accept that which I cannot change, the courage to change that which I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"
"There's a difference between being the best and being your best"
"Before you go changing everything about yourself, you got yourself this far and you're doing just fine"
This might be the hardest thing you ever do but it will be one of the most rewarding. And there's a reason we're here. We're here to learn, to grow, to fail, to succeed, to feel vulnerable, to feel protected, to support, to feel support, to laugh, to enjoy and to become the embodiment of our art form. We literally live our art. And not everyone is lucky enough to get to follow their dreams like that.
Grad school is a very similar experience. You were either very good or you were the best at your previous post, whether undergrad or a professional job. You wouldn't have applied to graduate school if you didn't think you had any skills and you definitely wouldn't have gotten accepted if you didn't have tremendous skill and potential.
It's easy to forget that the potential is what we should focus on. We aren't here because we are already the best, we are here to become better. And sometimes that makes for really frustrating scenarios. You often feel like you are failing because of the impossible standards you have set for yourself and forget to see the bigger picture. You're in grad school to learn, to get better. If you were doing this work outside of graduate school at a small company, it would probably seem brilliant. But that's not the point of graduate school. The point is to identify your weaknesses, build on your strengths, learn from others, and keep working towards a goal. Letting go of that impossible standard and allowing yourself to accept your growth as being important as being the best at something is the key. And that's a hard thing to do. I am constantly struggling with it.
There are some key quotes that I focus on when I forget why I got into graduate school in the first place and question every bit of my ability. Which sometimes is a daily occurrence.
"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game"
"Don't get upset over oversights, get upset over laziness"
"God grant me the strength to accept that which I cannot change, the courage to change that which I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"
"There's a difference between being the best and being your best"
"Before you go changing everything about yourself, you got yourself this far and you're doing just fine"
This might be the hardest thing you ever do but it will be one of the most rewarding. And there's a reason we're here. We're here to learn, to grow, to fail, to succeed, to feel vulnerable, to feel protected, to support, to feel support, to laugh, to enjoy and to become the embodiment of our art form. We literally live our art. And not everyone is lucky enough to get to follow their dreams like that.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Grad School: Giving and Taking Life, One Day at a Time
Before you do anything monumental, people will usually give you some perspective to prepare you ahead of time. When it comes to graduate schools you are generally told how difficult but how rewarding it is. And I don't think that concept really sinks in until you get here.
To recap, I am now officially in the swing of Sunday in the Park with George rehearsals.
This is the hardest and the best thing I've ever done. When you're literally working on something from 9:00 am until 10:00/11:00/12:00 at night and then trying to find time to do homework, it's hard. When you're trying to do everything right but you are still learning and need to allow yourself the chance to do that, it's hard. When you are used to doing something a certain way and you're taking some risks to try something new, it's hard.
This has been two weeks of challenges. I've moved beyond the newness of living in Connecticut (and I experienced my first snow! Like 8 inches worth) and even the unfamiliarity of YSD in general but now that I am officially beginning my training as a YSD stage manager, I am presented with a whole new list of challenges. It's a constant fluctuating scale of playing catch up, feeling settled, and trying to anticipate what's coming next. There have been a few difficult days where I couldn't even pinpoint why I was feeling so down but those have eased themselves into a more normal routine. We are about to begin day 5 of rehearsal and I'm feeling better and more confident about my style and what I'm learning. Every day is a learning experience. I take my negative experiences from the previous day and turn them into a more positive and beneficial for the next day. The good thing is that I generally don't make the same mistake twice--and if I do, then I solve it with a post it. That's one thing I've learned--I thought I loved post it notes and flags before this show but my love for them now is unprecedented. They solve so many problems!
But on the other hand, no matter how difficult some moments can get, I actually can tell that I've grown up in the past year. I don't let the mistakes bother me; I take them as they are, learn, and move on. And the next day always gets better because as I fall into a routine, I am more comfortable and confident with our process.
I also experienced something very special with this cast. On the first day of staging I subbed for an actor who was out of the room. The director was playing around with a concept for the prologue and gave us a little direction and then wanted to see what would happen. I followed the general atmosphere and moves of the company, a little unsure of what I was doing since I like very clear directions especially when out of my comfort zone. We were crossing in space and I noticed the company pausing so I followed suit. When I turned to glance around the space, I felt this incredible energy and connection amongst us. Now I've had my fair share of beautiful rehearsals and witnessed incredible connections onstage but I've never experienced one so natural myself. It was a special moment and I'm glad that I was onstage for that moment.
To recap, I am now officially in the swing of Sunday in the Park with George rehearsals.
This is the hardest and the best thing I've ever done. When you're literally working on something from 9:00 am until 10:00/11:00/12:00 at night and then trying to find time to do homework, it's hard. When you're trying to do everything right but you are still learning and need to allow yourself the chance to do that, it's hard. When you are used to doing something a certain way and you're taking some risks to try something new, it's hard.
This has been two weeks of challenges. I've moved beyond the newness of living in Connecticut (and I experienced my first snow! Like 8 inches worth) and even the unfamiliarity of YSD in general but now that I am officially beginning my training as a YSD stage manager, I am presented with a whole new list of challenges. It's a constant fluctuating scale of playing catch up, feeling settled, and trying to anticipate what's coming next. There have been a few difficult days where I couldn't even pinpoint why I was feeling so down but those have eased themselves into a more normal routine. We are about to begin day 5 of rehearsal and I'm feeling better and more confident about my style and what I'm learning. Every day is a learning experience. I take my negative experiences from the previous day and turn them into a more positive and beneficial for the next day. The good thing is that I generally don't make the same mistake twice--and if I do, then I solve it with a post it. That's one thing I've learned--I thought I loved post it notes and flags before this show but my love for them now is unprecedented. They solve so many problems!
But on the other hand, no matter how difficult some moments can get, I actually can tell that I've grown up in the past year. I don't let the mistakes bother me; I take them as they are, learn, and move on. And the next day always gets better because as I fall into a routine, I am more comfortable and confident with our process.
I also experienced something very special with this cast. On the first day of staging I subbed for an actor who was out of the room. The director was playing around with a concept for the prologue and gave us a little direction and then wanted to see what would happen. I followed the general atmosphere and moves of the company, a little unsure of what I was doing since I like very clear directions especially when out of my comfort zone. We were crossing in space and I noticed the company pausing so I followed suit. When I turned to glance around the space, I felt this incredible energy and connection amongst us. Now I've had my fair share of beautiful rehearsals and witnessed incredible connections onstage but I've never experienced one so natural myself. It was a special moment and I'm glad that I was onstage for that moment.
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