Most people know that when I am asked to describe myself, I will use the word "sensitive", both in a complimentary and degrading sense. On the surface this just means that I am sensitive on the emotional level. Which is true but that is only one facet of what this definition means to me and what it means to me as a stage manager.
I'm classified as a "Highly Sensitive Person" which is not a random string of words I've thrown together but an actual trait. To put it simply, my nervous system decides to work overboard when taking in information. It does not mean that I break down when something bad happens or cry at the drop of a hat; it just means I experience things at a different level.
It means I'm hyper aware of anything going on in a room. That loud or sudden noises bother me more than they would the average person. That things have to feel right or I don't feel comfortable. That I try to placate everything and make things better. That I'm overstimulated in large crowded environments and much prefer one-on-one conversation. That I notice things other people would cast off as trivial information. That I have empathy for people on a whole different level.
At times it's frustrating because it takes me longer to feel comfortable in a situation and I will often come across as uptight or a buzzkill when I choose to go home at the end of a night instead of going out with my friends. I will sometimes overthink a situation that I know will be unfamiliar and build up my anxiety even more. My day can turn sour very fast if I am startled by something more than once.
But it also means I relate to people in a special way. I carefully plan "adventures" with people so that everyone will feel most comfortable and enjoyable. I truly enjoy sitting down and getting to know someone. I will go out of my way to ask if someone is okay because I've noticed they look uncommonly sad, stressed, or busy.
So what does this mean to me as a stage manager? It has its negative and its positive side. The negative side includes having trouble staying focused during long rehearsals because I crave a few minutes respite. That I'm very hard on myself if something isn't perfect. That I spend too much time wondering how others are perceiving me because critical observation of everything is how I absorb the world. That I have to brace myself if we have loud, startling, or sudden lighting and sound effects in a show. That I have to trust my abilities more when entering a new rehearsal because I'm already feeling anxious and uncomfortable.
But there are positives. I form a special bond with actors if they are having a hard day. I do well in situations when I have to act instantly rather than thinking about it ahead of time so there is literally no time to worry. I take special care to make sure everything is organized and ready and that my thoughts are organized as well so that I can express myself clearly. That I take extra efforts to make sure my stage manager or ASM feels supported and that I am there if they need anything. That I am very perceptive and sometimes get a "feeling" about something and know that it's right.
Overall it doesn't necessarily impede my stage management or my life. It just means I have to spend extra time figuring out how best to handle a situation without letting it affect my production or something important in my life. There's no easy solution to it but it does constantly challenge me. Which is good because I enjoy a challenge.
And if you're really curious as to what this really means, here's an excellent article describing what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person
http://www.mothering.com/community/a/parenting-a-sensitive-child
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