Hitting my Stride

This weekend the first year stage managers celebrated their one month anniversary of arriving at YSD. It's hard to believe it has already been a month but we have survived and are thriving beautifully. All of us are on different projects right now and have different experiences to bring to the table which is nice. Although I haven't begun any official SM work (and am getting a bit anxious to begin), being on the run crew for American Night has been a fantastic introduction to the school.
Having the opportunity to see not only how a Rep show during tech is run but also seeing how the other SMs plus the Rep staff work together has been both informative and inspiring. I spend a lot of time simply absorbing information, observing their styles. Soon I will be the ASM on a production (different caliber but almost as large as this one) and this has given me the chance to see what I would like to add in to my repertoire of ASM knowledge.

I've also seen myself grow as a person in just this past month. It isn't entirely noticeable to the outside world but I've noticed that I'm already becoming more confident and am adapting different styles of communication. It has been a long time since I've been on the running crew for a show that I wasn't also ASMing and it's taught me a lot about what I appreciate about an SM (and also what I would like to change about myself). The knowledge I'm learning by being on a Rep crew will propel me forward into the new challenge I have to conquer and hopefully make me a stronger ASM. We still have two more weeks of this show and I'm glad for that.

I'm grateful for many things right now. I'm grateful for the really great new friends I've made. For the change in season. For the rain. The cleanliness of my apartment. The peaceful atmosphere outside, even when it's pouring rain. For upcoming experiences. A Christmas plane ticket home provided by my amazing parents. Becoming more familiar with the school and how it runs. For enjoyable classes. Being able to adapt to waking up early. For a lifestyle change that I'm making in two weeks. For the best friend in the world. And I'm even grateful for things I'm learning to leave behind.

Leaving California meant making a drastic change in my life, including leaving behind everything and everyone who was familiar. Those who are meant to be in my life are still there and those who maybe shouldn't be there are starting to fade away.

I'll never be the same California girl that I was. Just like when I went to college and knew I would never be a Catalina girl in the same way ever again, I am beginning to accept that I'm no longer the SM at St. Mary's and the Willows ASM. Those were my identities that I held on to so dearly that leaving them behind is a more difficult process than I had imagined it would be. But I've graduated from St. Mary's and the Willows no longer exists. There literally is no going back. And I'm beginning to be okay with that. Do I miss it? Yes. I will always miss it. It shaped who I am as a stage manager. There were people and experiences that can never be replaced. Now it's time to hold on to the good and let go of the bad. Sometimes moving away literally means moving on.