My semester officially ends this Saturday, upon which I will be heading to the airport and flying home to my beautiful home in California to see people I have thought of and missed every day since leaving. It's fairly stereotypical to say that time flies when you are living in a bubble and that statement is entirely accurate of my experience.
The semester felt an eternity long at the same time it felt as if it were passing in the blink of an eye. Today the first year class gathered in the Iseman Theatre, the same place we gathered on our first day of orientation, and we had significant flashbacks to those first tentative, unsure days. Though this time around we looked a little worse for wear but also more comfortable with ourselves and with each other.
Looking back, I'm amazed at how much has happened. I moved across the country. I started a new school for the final time. I worked at Yale Rep, stage managed a challenging cabaret production, and was an ASM for my first show at YSD. One that is huge, complicated, and ultimately one of the most rewarding experiences of my career.
I struggled significantly in the beginning. I was desperate to do everything right and not entirely willing to allow myself to learn. I wasn't sure if my style would translate well and encountered a few personal roadblocks along the way. So much of our jobs depend on our personalities and demeanors and I was challenged more than once in that area. I spent a lot of time second guessing myself and wondering if I actually could do this job I was so passionate about.
Ultimately it comes down to the fact that we are here for a reason. We were accepted to this school because our department heads saw potential and growth in each of us. Questioning ourselves is part of the process but not to the extent that we lose faith in our abilities. It took me almost the entire rehearsal process to accept that and to some extent I am still learning to accept it. The show turned out beautifully and I couldn't be prouder of this company I worked with. I truly loved watching the design and production teams and the cast put together this show. The fact that I was part of it was enough. That I helped realize their vision onstage was even better.
Academics were a struggle in and of themselves. The work was manageable; finding time to do it was the challenge. I still had that "good student must-get-everything-done-well" mentality and although I'm glad I haven't lost that, it made getting work done much harder because I wasn't willing to accept that anything was less than the best work I could put forth. That's when I re-learned one of my favorite teachings: there is a difference between being the best and being your best. Some weeks my best was definitely less than I could have hoped for but at the time, my priorities had shifted. The most immediate needs had to come first. Balancing a production and academic life is one of the biggest challenges any YSD (or any graduate student, under different circumstances) student faces. I was getting about 4 hours of sleep and I had think consciously about how necessary that was and what absolutely needed to be accomplished. I can say that I survived and even thrived during that period of time but it was a definite adjustment for me.
I've met some of the best, most exciting, and most endearing people here. And I'm just getting started. One of my biggest fears was leaving behind some extremely close friends, the best I'd ever had. I figured you only got that lucky once in your life and it could never be replicated. And while those friends can never be replaced and are still a significant part of my life, it's nice to know I have come to know some truly wonderful people here as well. Both of my lives are rich with people I adore and love spending time with. And I didn't know if that would happen again or happen in a timely manner.
At the end of the day, I'm significantly blessed and humbled by the past 4 months. I've grown as a person and as a theatre artist. I still love the work I am doing and look forward to the challenges ahead. I've gotten through personal and professional challenges without completely losing who I was. And I'm extraordinarily lucky. If I can go home at the end of the day and be thankful for the work I'm doing, the profession I'm learning, and the friends I've made, then that's all that really matters. I don't know how well I would have fared this semester without the support of family back home, the best friends in California, and the new friends who accept me with all of my peculiarities and special qualities. To have met people who see me for who I am and love me through it all is a blessing in itself.
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